A revolution is brewing…

So this is part two, and if you haven’t read part one you are going to need to… so go read that first.  Click here.  It is the story of how my creative genius was squashed as a young child.

Read it?  Great, let’s keep going….

So Dana Carvey as the Church Lady.  I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this character recently…especially her famous phrase “Isn’t that special?!?”

If by chance you haven’t seen this character it is important to know that the phrase is always said with the most condescending tone possible.  As if to say, nothing about you or your situation is special.

“Isn’t that special?!?!” 

Special 

I have issues with this word.

Perhaps my issues began when Todd’s mother continued to introduce me as “Todd’s special friend” until the day of our wedding.  I believe she was in denial that her son was marrying me and thought that maybe if there were no “fiancée” there would be no wedding.  She probably still refers to me that way if not “Todd’s future ex-wife” in hopes that he will someday return to her home and live in her basement. Coincidentally she looks a bit like the Dana Carvey’s character pictured above minus the glasses.

Todd’s “special friend”

The seeds of my dislike for this word were planted in 2000.

Fast forward to July 5, 2006.  When I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl who has many wonderful attributes, including Down Syndrome.  She has “special” needs according to society.

Now I recognize that special can mean many things and it is not always meant in a condescending SNL skit way.  The google definition of special includes “better, greater, or otherwise different from what is usual” “particularly good or precious” and “designed or organized for particular person, purpose or occasion.”

When I think of “special” I think of something that someone went out of his or her way to do for another.  “I made you a special dinner”.  “I bought this card specially for you.”  In these situations it is special because the other person made an effort they didn’t have to do and there is a sense that the receiver should be grateful for the offering.

But even when well meaning, somehow I always feel there is a negative "appreciate this because I didn't have to do it" tone with this word.  Maybe it is just me, but I doubt it.

3 weeks ago our family attended the state Special Olympics.  As someone who is slowly making their way on this healthy fitness/lifestyle journey, I was overwhelmed by the athleticism of many of the competitors, specifically the runners.  As we watched the athletes run Noah (who prides himself of being fast) said “Mom, most of these guys could smoke me in a race”.  He was genuinely surprised by their skill and it was true, these guys were tearing up the track and could beat Noah and most people I know in a footrace.  He was not expecting them to be such great athletes because it was the Special Olympics and so far Noah’s experience with this program has been with young kids.  He wasn’t thinking that the older participants would have such great skill.

We stood there mesmerized by these athletes and it made we wonder… why is it the “Special” Olympics??

Then I started thinking of all the other “specials” for people who are just working hard and surpassing expectations.  People who were given woefully low limits by society and who deserve respect and opportunities.   Maybe the most “special” about this group of people is that they did not give up on themselves when so many through history have given up on them.  They persevered.

But why is it always “special”?

My daughters have special needs

They receive special education services at school

They see specialists for therapies and Dr. visits

Special kids only happen to special people

Why does it always seem to have that Church Lady nuance?

I get that it can’t just be the Olympics because they are different and there has to be a way to distinguish.  I am well aware that even the fastest Special Olympian would not make the track and field team for the Olympic 2016 Summer games in Brazil.  That isn’t the point.  The point is that when I think of “special” there is that tiny feeling of patronizing, perhaps introduced by Dana Carvey’s character and that is just wrong and insulting.

So I have decided I am going to replace “special” in my life and in my speech.

I have toyed with several alternatives and while I am a big fan of “Mother Fucking” Todd says that is too much for a t-shirt and may not be appropriate.  I think he is secretly jealous he did not think of it. 

Picture it - Michael Phelps might be an Olympian but Meg is a Mother Fucking Olympian.  You tell me which one sounds better?!?!?  Sorry Michael, you have to go to the regular Olympics cause you aren’t as cool as Meg.

But maybe, just this once, Todd is right.  It might be too much for a t-shirt.

So after much debate and some browsing of Google Thesaurus I settled on a different term.

Kick – ass

I am sticking with this one.

It will replace all the times “special” is used in reference to people with disabilities in my life.

My daughters have kick-ass needs.  That sounds exciting and like something I can deal with!

They received kick-ass education services at school.  This is true!  They have kick-ass teachers and staff who love and value them.  It also does away with the stigma of the burden or “doing us a favor” connected with “special” Ed on so many levels.

They see kick-ass therapists and Dr's.  Makes all those appointments a little more tolerable!

I am looking forward to Meg and Alina competing at all the Kick-Ass Olympic opportunities this year and for years to come.  I look forward to the days when they are sprinting around the track and inspire a change in the way others think of these Olympians.

And my favorite…

Kick-ass kids only happen to Kick-ass people.  

Next time someone you love has a baby with a disability, please tell them this in the most enthusiastic supportive voice you can find.  They will appreciate your support and may even feel slightly empowered… I mean really, who doesn't want to be thought of as Kick-Ass?!?!  That's awesome!!

Contrary to what my mother in law may still be telling people, I am not, nor have I ever been special.  My daughters are not special.  But perhaps we are Kick-Ass and, unfortunately for you Becky, Todd won’t be moving home anytime soon.  We are keeping him because we think he is Kick-Ass too.

So, who is with me on this new Kick-Ass revolution?!?!   Cue the Tracey Chapman song….