Let me start with "you're welcome". I am sure you will have the song from this entry title in your head for a little while now!
I continue to have a lot of wonderful conversations this past week - chats with people who wanted to share with me the stories of their own monsters and challenges. I continued to be humbled by their courage to share and am reminded that the people in this world usually respond to you with the same energy you put out. If you decide to live your life with walls and stiff arms, keeping everyone at a "safe" distance, people will respond in kind. You put yourself out there with all your fears and vulnerabilities, people respond in kind.
Lesson learned: you most often get what you give.
What energy are you putting out to the Universe and the people around you?
I am choosing to let others in and embrace others who in turn are opening up and embracing me… sort of like one giant bear hug!
Reminds me to always wear deodorant.
But there is that strange few moments when you realize a person might know a LOT about you and you know very little about them. It is slightly bizarre.
To deal with the situation I mentally invent some crazy backstory for the person - just so I feel like we are on an even playing field, know what I mean? Why should you know my stories but I don't know yours? So I create backstories like "Their monster? Spends their weekend traveling the national circuit entering their 2 felines in the "Cats and Crowns" royal beauty pageants, a gold medal eludes them and if they don't win the big title soon all hope will be lost as Mittens is aging out of contention and the unfortunate hairball incident of 2012 has left Smokey blacklisted by the judges."
(Lesson here, might as well share your story because it won't be nearly as bad as the one I might create for you.)
Saturday was my first get moving day. Remember, my last blog I said training starts now?!? Well I meant it and 4 minutes into my first training walk on Saturday I slipped on the ice and crashed down on my knee.
BAM!!
My friend Roni (no names have been changed to spare identities, you've been warned) was brave/kind/crazy/supportive enough to got out for a power walk with me on Saturday morning in the wind and cold temperatures was there to help me up and assured me it was a graceful fall, but I think the cold temps were making her delirious. She has already run a half marathon AND she is the one who instigated the walk in polar vortex temps (okay it was like 30 degrees), clearly her judgment is questionable, but I am grateful for her….
4 minutes in, CRASH… and while it only really scratched my knee and bruised my pride it let me know this will not be an easy journey. The devil will look to trip me up (literally in this case) at every step.
That damn devil, can't let me walk 5 minutes without attacking.
It wasn't about bruising my knee and ego though, it was about attacking my will. It was about planting the slightest seed of doubt in my head as to my ability to succeed.
"You can't even make it around your block without falling, you'll never make it."
And I am not sure if it was the slip or the power walk itself that left my legs a bit sore yesterday, but that watered the seeds.
"Sore after that? It was 2 miles, how will you go almost 7 x that amount? You can't do this."
But I have to keep going, not because of my goals, but because I now have the accountability of anyone reading this to keep me going.
In that light, I begin to curse my supportive friends, wanting what is best for me and encouraging my goals. Why can't I have crappy friends who don't care what I do and send me boxes of chips and chocolate to hinder my efforts?
Then, because I fully admit I don't like exercise as much as I enjoy my couch, reality tv, and hot cocoa, I begin strategically thinking of how I might piss off anyone/everyone who read/comments on this thing in an effort to lose all support and resulting in no liking me.
I decide that will be easier than training.
New manageable plan! Yay for out of the box thinking!
Okay not really.
I resolve to keep going. I think of the experiences I will be able to enjoy when I am healthier. I think of my health and my need to be around for a long time for my family because no one can make them crazy like I can. I think of my friends who would miss my dinners, wine drinking, shopping and girl talks. I think of my friends kids who I want to see grow up and be an active part of their lives.
I dream of, for once, feeling okay in my own skin.
I don't think of numbers, I think of the outcome of being healthier.
I think I only need to get back up 1 more time than I get knocked down, right? Don't focus on the end goal, just focus on getting up this one time.
I pick myself up, sore legs, battered pride and I resolve to battle the devil one more day.
Whether he trips me on the ice or shows up in the lingering smell of McDonald's french fries in the office right around lunch time, I will fight.
I will also shut my door and open my window in an attempt to keep the smell from killing me lest I might end up in a fit of fried salty food rage fighting the person who brought them. Don't judge.
Finally, my spirit was renewed when the message at church yesterday was about Physical health and taking care of yourself in an effort to fulfill your purpose. I was thankful for the tips and support. I did not see this timing as coincidence (I don't believe in coincidences anyway) rather a reminder that God is with me on this journey. I am excited about these next few weeks in this series and the additional support the church is offering.
So I am left wondering:
How will you pick yourself up today?
What additional good can we put into the world through our interactions with others?
Care to share? (you might as well, I will make it up for you if you don't, see "Cats and Crowns" story from above)
No comments:
Post a Comment