You give love a bad name!!

Paying homage to Jon Bon Jovi and redefining "love"

My parents owned a restaurant and I grew up in that business.  A family restaurant that had fantastic homemade soups, salad dressings, cheeseburgers, chicken salad and pecan balls.  My parents are both wonderful cooks.  If you have ever visited their home you know that from the moment you step in until the moment you leave my mom will feed and take care of you.  Your drink is never empty and there is always something either in the works, being cleaned up or "just to tie you over".  You always feel well cared for when you leave. The kitchen was always a gathering place in our home and to this day my parents are happiest around a crowded table sharing a meal with their family.

I inherited this trait.

I like to cook.  I like to try new recipes as a foundation and then get creative.  I have few staples but even those usually end up with some new flair by the time they hit the table.  Todd routinely tells our kids they are lucky to grow up in a house with a mom who makes "wonderful" (his words, I am not bragging) homemade meals and believes in family dinner around the table with the tv off and discussion about the days events.  I treasure this family time.

I also really enjoy having friends over for dinner.  I can make any night an "event".  There is rarely a weekend when we aren't frantically stuffing things under the couch, in drawers, swiffering the floor as friends are pulling into the driveway for a get together.  (Because while I love to cook, I hate to clean… hence the cleaning frenzy with 5 minutes to go!)  I can spend hours thinking of what appetizers we will have, if it goes with the main course, salads, desserts, drinks… etc.  And if it is a holiday or birthday?  Forget it… I can plan for a week!  I want people to leave my home with the same feeling I have when I leave my parents… well cared for.

Food has always been a way to show love in my life.  Both the giving and receiving of love.

"Oh no, you are having a bad day?  What do you want for dinner?  I will make you whatever you want"

"Congratulations!  You won the game!  We should celebrate what do you want me to make you for dinner?"

"I can't thank you enough for all you've done for me, and to show my gratitude I made you these cookies"

"You just had a surgery/baby/hiccups/allergy attack/coughing fit/hangnail?  Here I made you some dinner!"

It's just what I do.  And I enjoy doing it because I want the people in my life to know I love them.

The problem is I have tied food to every emotion.  After 40 years I can't figure out how to separate them.  And truthfully I don't want to separate them in some respects.

I don't want to stop planning and making family dinners (which are usually healthy and not "eeewww yuck, gross, gisdusting, it's like someone pooped on my head!!  I no eat it, I full" as Meg might have you believe).  My family would prefer that I not stop this either.

I have no plans to stop feeding my guests meals I have obsessed over because I enjoy the planning and it is a way for me to show my friends I value the time we spend together.  I am at my best with a house full of friends who are enjoying a meal I have thoughtfully prepared.  In these respects it isn't about the eating as much as it is about the "event".

What I need to change is how I define the love I am showing myself.  That's where the food itself is the issue.

"I've had a rotten day - chips and dip will make me feel better"

"I've had an awesome day! I deserve some ice cream!"

"I've had a perfectly average day.  I think I want some mexican/italian/sushi to spice it up!"

See where this is going?  Every day falls into one of these categories.

So how do I treat myself, take care of myself, comfort myself in other ways on the day to day?  I am not sure. I am trying to find ways that won't break the bank because shopping is as bad for my checkbook as emotional eating is for my health.  I can't trade one problem for another.  I mean, I could, but then the 6 of us will be living in a van down by the river.

And I can only take so many bubble baths and justify so many pedicures.

I am hoping my new knitting hobby will help, but am looking for additional advice, opinions, suggestions, things to try...

And if you say "go to the gym" or "go for a walk/run" I will hurt you.  That's like telling me to swap loaded cheesy nachos for celery.  I swap those because I know it is better for me, not because I am excited about celery.  I don't LOVE exercise and swapping something I love for something I tolerate won't have that effect I need at this point.  Hopefully someday I will not see exercise as a necessary chore, I am working towards that, but I am not there yet.  Be patient with me...

So tell me, what do you do to comfort and nurture yourself?  Body, mind and spirit…

As I wait for responses I think I will plan a Super Bowl party  :)