I'm sorry...

This blog will only make sense after you read this story… so go read it, I will wait.

To The Woman Who Apologized to Me at the Supermarket

This article resonates with me for several reasons.

First, I am convinced the author is Catholic.  "I'm sorry" is like the rallying cry of catholicism.

"Oh your car broke down this morning?  I'm sorry."

"You have a hangover from those 3 bottles of wine you drank last night? I'm so sorry."

"You don't like the shoes I am wearing? Oh, I'm sorry."

Note these are sincere apologetic sorries, not sarcastic or rude.  I am truly sorry that my choice of footwear is not pleasing to your fashion sense.

Having grown up catholic and attended catholic schools I can say that guilt and overuse of "I'm sorry" (even when we were in no way involved in the situation) are ties that bind all catholics/former catholics/recovering catholics….

On occasion, when I have heard "I'm sorry" used repeatedly in a conversation by the other person, I  have stopped and said "Are you Catholic?" and 99% of the time they say yes.  It is usually a bonding moment for us.

So besides the connection to what I am sure is this mom's faith, I also was connected to the story because of the interactions in the supermarket.  I know when Meg or Alina stop to talk to people (and they often do) I am quick to say "I am sorry" and nudge either/both girls to keep moving.

"I am sorry" that my daughter thought you were interesting enough to approach.

"I am sorry" my daughter cares enough about your life to inquire as to whether or not you have pets (dogs specifically) in your home (one of Meg's favorite topic of conversations)

"I am sorry" that Alina thinks handing you some imaginary pixie dust is important because she wants you to share in the secret she is carrying.

"I am sorry" she interrupted your apparent life altering decision of chocolate chip or butter pecan.

Move along kids, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry"

My thoughts have always been...

I don't want to disrupt the other persons shopping experience.

They probably are in a hurry

They don't want to take 30 seconds to engage Meg's conversation or Alina's creativity.

or most often…

They are going to judge Meg/Alina and so I am going to stop the interaction before they have a chance.

Move along kids, "so sorry"

The reality of my behavior? I would rather apologize to you for my kids than have to explain and apologize to my kids for your (potential) negative reaction/look of disgust or completely ignoring their attempt to reach out.  I would rather shut you off than heal their hurt from rejection.

Mama bear - always my defense mechanism.

As I reflect on my own behavior in thinking about this story, I have to wonder how many times I have been quick to stop an interaction that was welcomed by the other person?  How many times have my own reservations about how Meg and Alina will be received hindered an opportunity for any of my kids to connect with others?

How many times has my own fear kept others from experiencing the gift of Meg and Alina even through a small interaction?  I say people need to be aware and accepting yet how often have my own behaviors sabotaged my goal of building a strong community for them?

More than I wish it had...

That reservation comes from real experiences of looks of pity in a grocery store or, coincidently, "I'm sorry" as the response to hearing the news that my daughters have Down Syndrome.  I know not everyone understands much less embraces people with disabilities.  I know we, as a society, have a long way to go toward acceptance, awareness and true community.

But many people are already down that path.

Many people do want that connection.  Not everyone ignores Alina's gesture of pixie dust or Meg's inquisitive nature.  Some people embrace it!  Some people share their pixie dust right back or inquire about Megs pets and then listen politely as Meg tells them all about our dog Molly and Uncle Bob's cats.

Some people embrace the gift of a connection and/or relationship… regardless of how this gift is packaged.

To take this one step further, how many times have I let my own fear about how I will be received keep me from reaching out and connecting with others?  How many times have my own insecurities inhibited my efforts to interact and share my times/talents/efforts with a "not yet" friend?

More than I wish it had…

Last week on Facebook I had a friend reach out and through our conversation he said he often lets his fear keep him from taking a step towards a goal or new adventure.  I was somewhat surprised by this because the perception I have of Tom (and granted I don't know him well) is that he is a very kind, smart, patient, caring man with a giant and loving heart.  Someone that I would think anyone would be lucky to cross paths with.  He says he lacks the courage to take a chance.  I look at him and think you don't need too much courage when you clearly have the skills.  However I am not sure he see's himself that way.

I completely understand that lack of courage though, because it is like we both have been saying "I'm sorry, I'll move along" well before anyone else would tell us that.  You can't fail if you don't try, right?

Wrong

Lacking the courage to put yourself out there and take a risk because of your own self doubt and fear of rejection is condition I think many could relate to.

So how do we turn this around?

So what if for just 1 day -  Just 1 trip to Wal-mart -  I didn't inhibit my daughters conversation or sharing of pixie dust?  What if I let them shine their smiles and engage all who were willing?  What if I made no apologies for the time they are trying to share their gifts with others?  Meg and Alina are more than willing to love and accept all who cross their path.  What if I lived with that same boldness?  What if I look at how to make connections with a few people outside my regular circle today?  

If that is too scary, what if you just opened yourself up to any interactions and made a promise to engage whoever reached out to you?  That means you cannot walk through Walmart with earbuds in and your head down.  You have to at least put yourself out there with smile for people who pass you by.

Is anyone at least willing to try this for 1 day and then share how it went?

I am going to try.

I am also going to give thanks that Walmart is open 24 hours because it might take me that long to get my shopping done this next trip since I will probably hear about enough dogs and cats to last a lifetime.