Untouched

I have heard a lot of complaints about the weather, the polar vortex freezing temps and the amount of snow we have gotten this year.  I think most of my friends hate winter.  I respectfully disagree with this opinion.  While I would prefer to not freeze my face off at 3 am when the dog needs to go out, I do appreciate this time of year for many reasons. 

I appreciate the forced stillness of it all.  Summer is always chaotic with ballgames, swimming, bbq’s, vacations, more ballgames, late nights and sweaty kids… until school and football start in August.

Don’t get me started on August… August is the Monday of my year.

Fall brings football and pseudo single parenting, back to school routines, “I forgot my homework” “I need lunch money”  “I haven’t been sick one day all summer but now that mom and dad are both back to work with full calendars I think I have a tummy ache”.  I always feel like it is a whirlwind of activity through the fall and the holidays until it comes to a screeching halt in January. 

BAM!!!  Forced stillness

As the snow falls it coats the roads and screws up traffic and plans and cancels school.  I always think of January as a gentle reminder from heaven to be still, slow down and take a breath of air so cold that you will feel it all the way into your lungs. 

“Be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10 – my favorite.

I reflect on this as I drive to work each morning, 25 miles of back country passing only cows and cornfields.   These past few weeks it has all been covered by a blanket of snow that shows me just where things have been and how much has been left unexplored.

I look and can tell that in the past week where deer have walked through the field by the prints they leave behind.  I can tell where snowmobiles have been, where kids have sled and where cars have gotten stuck.  Anytime someone or something passes through it leaves a footprint in the snow.  I am sort of fascinated by the patterns that are created.

The scene that really makes me think is the pasture I pass with some cows.  I snapped a picture today to give you an idea.  Don’t judge my quick iphone photo… it was -14 degrees and I needed to get to work, so I just stopped for a second.

But here is what intrigues me so much about this particular field.  You can see exactly where the cows have been for the last week.  The field has a fence that gives the cows a fairly big area to move, yet much of it has been untouched since last weeks snow. I know this because the snow is either completely trampled in areas of high traffic or perfect in areas where the cows haven’t ventured.    They stay huddled together and, with the exception of 1 or 2 who sometimes wander a few feet away, the group moves as a pack.  But even when they move as a pack they don’t travel very far.  This past week they have only made use of about 30% of the field they have been given.

30% of what they have been given

So much left untouched.

It makes me think about my life and where I am only using 30% of what I have been given?  Where am I only using 50%?  Where have I been wasting opportunities and not exploring greater areas because I just don’t have the energy to explore?  Or because I don’t make the time?  Or because I fear leaving the safety of the pack? 

So many excuses….

If I am going to be honest (which is the point of this blog, right?) I can say I have been using my body at 50%.  I have wasted opportunities to run and move and stretch…. Because I don’t have the energy, because I don’t make the time, because I really like being cozy in my pj's on the couch, because I fear a change even though the current situation isn’t working - the devil you know is always better than the one you don’t.

I have been exploring my faith at 50%.  I have wasted opportunities to run closer to God and to grow in my walk with him…. Because I don’t have the energy, because I don’t make the time, because I let other things become more of a priority.

I have been focusing on my friends and family at 50%.  I have let minutes, hours, days slip by without reaching out, sending a note of support, a reminder of why they are important to me… because I don’t have the energy, because I don’t make the time in hectic daily schedules, because I get side tracked by facebook, by the news, by a round of words with friends

and there will always be tomorrow….

“tomorrow I will take a long walk”

“tomorrow I will do a devotional” 

“tomorrow I will check in with my mom/dad/sister/brother/best friend…”

Until there isn’t a tomorrow and all that opportunity is gone.

At the end, what will I have to show for the gift of my life?  What will be the return on investment others put into my life through the gift of THEIR time, THEIR efforts and THEIR resources?

Their return better be more than a high score on Ruzzle and the knowledge of what so and so just posted on facebook?  Because if I make the time and energy to focus on these things, then I certainly can make time and energy for family, faith and health. 

Note - I have intentionally used the words “make time” in this post because the phrase “I don’t have time” is incorrect.  We all have time.  In fact, we all have the same amount of time.  The question is what do you “make” time for?

So how am I going to move from 50% to 75% to someday 95% in the areas of relationships, health and faith?  I think the first step is to take a hard look at where I am currently spending (and wasting) time in each of these areas. 

When could I be truly present with my family and those important to me yet I am distracted by my phone, a magazine or the news?  What message am I unintentionally sending to those I care about in these moments?  I know how I feel in the moment when I am trying to spend time with someone who only wants to focus on Twitter or Facebook.  It hurts that they appear to care more about cyber world than the world waiting for them if they would just put down the phone.  I am ashamed and embarrassed that I have done this to others, my kids and Todd especially.

Why is it that I can tell you what happened this week on “My 90 day fiancé” (have you seen this show?!?!?!  My new guilty pleasure!!) and “Sister Wives” but I couldn’t make time to move, stretch and breath?

Why have I taken more time this week to think about what CNN has to say about conditions in Sochi and impending charges against the Biebs than I have taken to think about how to deepen my faith?

Some questions I need to explore.  I doubt I will be very proud of the answers.

I wonder if others look at my life and see areas of unused resources, ground yet unexplored and opportunity wasted?  I want to be an example of "well done!" not "what a waste!" If this is the case, I hope you will tell me. (In a kind and loving manner, this is not your open invitation to unload all the mean things you’ve thought about me since kindergarten.)   

And if you think about your own life and where you can move from 30% or 50% to taking better advantage of what you have been given, how can I help?  What areas do you have to explore?  What is keeping you from doing so?  Care to share?

The cold weather is in the forecast for the next few days.  I plan to make the most of this forced stillness.  I appreciate this time of year. 

I also appreciate you, for hanging out with me at the banana stand J